RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
