how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
