this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
they need to just BURY HIM!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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