Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
