I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
