Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize