just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
