Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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