Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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