we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
