I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
