Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
