Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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