I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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