Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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