she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
