remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
