I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
