Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
