id be glad to
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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