Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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