Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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