whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
