No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
