If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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