I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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