omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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