worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
