We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
