In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
