we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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