what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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