um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
