they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
