i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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