hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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