what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
