Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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