Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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