How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
