you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Randomize
