She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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