youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
