he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
