she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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