i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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