I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
