need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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