Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
