Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Randomize
