we have pet lesbian snakes
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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