remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
