When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
