she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
