As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
