If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
