In the future we'll all be gay
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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