I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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