I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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