The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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