i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
