i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
