He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
