we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm like, not good at living.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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