Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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