She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
