You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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