i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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