Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
