I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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