I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
