You really coming over, don't trick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
