im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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