Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
