I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
