I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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