Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
