You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize