we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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