We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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