You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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