I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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