Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
