I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
