You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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