tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize