I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize