I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
