I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, beer. Big fan.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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