She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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