Already got asked if we're dating
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
