Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
