I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
