where am i from again
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
