I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dick very happy bro
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