Michael Bay diarrhea
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
