i already hear my dad disowning me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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