I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
