I want to have your abortion
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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